part two

inside the bubble, everything is irrational. blown to proportions unimaginable. i cannot be outside myself to tell me to stop for air. to breathe and allow myself to be humbled. stubborn as my sign entails, i fail to relinquish the filter that sheds light on all the wrong thoughtless words, involuntary actions, and the lack of deliberate expected action. the self-pitying fall into such black holes of glass half-empty and unforgiving envy. stuck in what was and what was just had. what seemingly slipped through fingertips that loosened their grip for a moment. always with a sore neck and poor posture for the lack of stability and forward thinking. the whiplash from looking back so damn much is starting to take its toll. the bias is becoming permanent. the filter starts to get comfortable in its place disrupting my will. the misconceptions consume my vision, choke my words, block my every attempted grasp towards strength to break the barrier composing this iron bubble. it's hard to see outside. every breath i take is toxic regret. every utterance reeks of resentment. lingering becomes my worst habit, the smallest moments can't help but loiter where they shouldn't be among my torn conscience and thoughts ready to burst into flames. where did this come from? my own psyche has become a hazard to be left alone with. churning and mixing my much too conclusive words with my unstable indefinite thoughts create a recipe inside of me bound to boil over and doomed to be left unattended to a bit too long, so long it climaxes to the point of spilling out and scattering all over, releasing their toxins and heated underlying sentiment unto innocent bystanders. the cycle of regret can never end if it always starts within me. my gut, my instinct, my soul..they always set up the caution tape around my ill-conceived notions and heavy mentality and point the other way but the devil on my left shoulder never fails to give me a good push in the wrong direction. excuse my ambition but i wish i could reintroduce myself to yours truly. where's that fresh perspective with the modest expectations? i'm certainly not the first and i won't be the last...everyone has a relentless conscience. but how do i sit alone with mine, steady heart and peace of mind?