I'm frustrated. Don't know what's wrong with me lately but I definitely know I'm not myself anymore. I hate it. I just...don't know how to describe it, but I don't feel real anymore. Everyday has become a blur passing me by and I fail to realize time passing me by as I just feel frozen with everything and everyone moving around me. I'm a shell. I feel like I come in and out of consciousness. Someone would be talking to me and I'm a million miles away. I cried these past few nights, I don't know what's wrong with me. My mom says I'm just "transitioning between childhood and adulthood".....whatever. Whatever this is, I don't like it.

I found an old evanescence cd. I used to love evanescence...and listening to it again, I found some songs that have lyrics that fit my feelings exactly, like a mold...it's kinda crazy actually. It's a good feeling..a release when you listen to lyrics that fit how you're feeling in that exact moment.

I'm falling forever
I've got to break through
I'm going under
I'm so far away...
--
I don't know what's real and what's not
Always confusing the thoughts in my head
So I can't trust myself anymore.
--
There's just too much that time cannot erase
I've been alone all along.
--
Wake me up
Save me from the nothing I've become
Call my name and save me from the dark
Bring me to life.

Don't call me emo...call it a rough patch. I keep it all smiles at school, don't I?